A new multiple sclerosis fear
It is a tradition at yvonnedesousa.com to post one of my Halloween blogs this time of year. But I decided I wanted to share this new blog with you instead. If you are missing the usual, alternating posts, you will find the links to them below.
When I was a kid I HATED going to the dentist. I don’t know why exactly as I usually did ok. I never flossed- what kid does? But was pretty good about brushing my teeth and only had the average number of cavities-nothing excessive.
Maybe it was having to keep your mouth open all that time while you lose all control and someone you barely know is doing obnoxious things in your mouth.
Maybe it was because that person is judging you even if they are nice about it. “You have to reach the back molars more- do you spend time on your back molars?”
Huh?
Maybe it was because occasionally they would hit a nerve. Not hurt your feelings but an actual nerve somewhere and you would wince in sudden brief pain and move and then they would have to readjust everything in your mouth again.
Or maybe my dislike came from the sound of that scalpel/hook like instrument scraping the surface of your teeth.
But I think one of the main reasons I hated it was because of all the spitting. Spitting was just gross. Only boys spit and it made them disgusting and yucky- at least in 4th grade.
I hated it so much I used to swear that I would rather go to the doctor and get a shot, no, even 3 shots, rather than go to the dentist. Was me saying that punishment that led to having to give myself three shots a week when I was on my first MS disease modifying drug?
These days I don’t feel that way. And I still deal with shots alright though I’m thrilled my current MS medication is a once-a-day pill, one and done each morning with all the others and then I’m good to go for 24 hours. As an adult, I can handle the dentist much better.
What gets me now, what really freaks me out and leads to a major breakdown before entering any medical facility, is the modern-day torture device they call the blood pressure cuff. That strap and pump used to stress me out beyond belief. But since technology has become a thing- it has gotten worse. Now they use a machine to take your blood pressure and it is hell!
For me, it is hellish torture. I don’t care what the medical assistants say, it hurts. And it makes my upper left arm feel like it is going to explode. The left arm is reserved for the BP cuff- the right arm has it easy- its good veins make is perfect for blood draws, lucky!
If I know something is a secret, I will keep it to my death. Unless you strap that cuff around me and then all bets are off. I will tell you whatever you want to know, the deeper the secret the longer that thing is attached and turned on.
Roswell was a hoax created by L Ron Hubbard to get more people into science fiction and become scientologists- squeeze, squeeze!
The Stones are the ones who killed Kennedy to get that great lyric for Sympathy for the Devil– squeeze, squeeze!
Elvis is alive and living in anonymity in a trailer in the backwoods of Mississippi- take that f***ing thing off RIGHT NOW!!!!
They tell you that you don’t have to have your blood pressure taken. But if you don’t you won’t get treatment.
Possible flu? Got to get your bp taken.
Rash on your ankle? We need your bp.
I have started asking the medical assistants to take my blood pressure manually. They sigh, get annoyed, claim they can’t find the manual cuff, and ask me to try the machine.
“It will be fine,” they say, “I’ll be careful.”
The thing starts.
I squirm.
I scream.
I start pulling the assistant’s hair before they finally stop the machine and go looking for the manual cuff. But now everyone is mad at me, and they have to “find” the cuff and “find” another assistant to take my bp while the first one checks the staff restroom mirror for how much hair she lost.
The manual cuff is still agony, but you’ll only get minor secrets from me on that one.
“It’s true- I admit it- I did have a crush on Shaun Cassidy when I was a kid.”
And did you know that they also have wrist cuffs? For some reason a wrist cuff is not as bad for me. Yet, they won’t use them!!! Why have wrist blood pressure cuffs to make life easier for poor, innocent people who fear the cuff and then not use it?
Am I the only one who has a problem with this thing?
Is this terrifying dread of the automatic cuff weird?
Is my problem because of multiple sclerosis?
Is it because MS makes me weird?
I hate it so much I know nothing about blood pressure. I don’t know the numbers or what the numbers mean. I choose to ignore anything that could even be slightly related to blood pressure.
I will come back from the doctor and someone in my life will ask what my bp was. Since I don’t want to go into the whole horror of the cuff and why I can’t remember what they said the bp was as I was wailing the whole time it was taken, I will make it up.
“I think it was 507 over 38. What, that’s bad? Oh wait, no I remember, it was 36 over 200. Is that better?”
And just to pull the stress of my youth into this madness, my dentist is taking my blood pressure now too! What is that about? I am there for my teeth! What do teeth have to do with blood pressure?
Post Covid the dentist no longer takes my temperature. He doesn’t listen to my heartbeat or make me give a pee sample (another doctor’s office dread but one I contend with better than the cuff.) So why does he need to take my blood pressure?
So, as I get ready to go to yet another appt, one I’m not even sure what I am going for, I am purposefully late as I tell you all about my great phobia with the thing I know will happen before I even see the doctor. And being late will certainly help put the medical assistant in a great mood for sure. And don’t even get me started on the other horror, the one that involves stepping on the scale.
On my way to the doctor’s office, I have to pass a house with graphic Halloween decorations in the front yard- including a dummy that is supposed to represent a bloody body. That is nothing! If they really want to scare some folks they should hang a blood pressure machine from a tree with a big scale right underneath it. Now that would be terrifying!!
Maybe I’ll get lucky this time. Maybe all I’ll need is a shot or two. Right arm get ready, you’re stepping up to the plate for a shot and maybe give up a little blood. Left arm has had enough!
PS As if the universe wanted to mess with me a bit more, I just heard a doctor on TV say that to get a proper reading, blood pressure must be taken on both arms- each visit!!! So what do you do when your worst Freddy Krueger dreams come true? I am going to ignore this medical advice, hide under my covers and hope it is just a Halloween prank!!!
Happy Halloween my friends!!
For some more Halloween/MS fun check out one (or both) of the two blogs below!
Plus- less than three weeks until the release date of my new book, Shelter of the Monument!
To get the preorder discount, follow the link on the homepage of my website!
They have taken my bp on both arms before no idea why one would read lower than the other but it did. I agree not liking the dentist of course my insurance doesn’t cover dental so I only go if I have an emergency. my top 3 things I hate most Pap smear like why does the Dr need to have an assistant in the room for that? come on genitals are ugly I don’t want anyone looking at it Hell I don’t want to look at it. 2nd is the scale no matter what the number says I always feel disappointed because it never seems to be a good enough weight for my 5 foot frame. 3rd mammogram UGH the pinching and pressure on you boob, having to just have the girls “hang out” in front of a stranger, the tech lifting it into position then saying now don’t move and hold your breath UGH I swear my boobs hurt for days afterward.
Yes my friend, those are good ones too. Still, my great fear is that damn cuff, especially the machine. What if it doesn’t stop? Terrifies me EVERY time!!
Yvonne ~
You know with my being a nurse for all of my adult life, 33+ years thus far, I have to leave comments. I HATE digital blood pressure cuffs. For one, they are notoriously inaccurate. Two, they do hurt. I’ve had bruises that lingered for days and days from them. Manual blood pressure cuffs can be uncomfortable as well, particularly if they aren’t the right size for the patient. This is true for both digital and manual cuffs- if the cuff is too large for the patient, the blood pressure reading will be inaccurately low. Conversely, if the cuff is too small, the blood pressure reading will be inaccurately high. And listening to the blood pressure being taken with a manual cuff can tell the listener potentially important things about the patient that will be completely missed if only using a digital cuff.
THANK YOU!!!!!! Finally! Now I have an arguement to back myself up with if/when the nurses/medical assistants give me a hard time about not wanting to use the digital cuff. Very appreciative.
Yes, you’re weird, but, yes, you can blame it on the MS. Blaming everything on it is the only upside of MS so go with it!
As for spitting, it’s my favorite part of going to the dentist and I’m not allowed to do it anymore. For the whole story (are you ready for the shameless self-promotion?) see this blog post: https://rickconti.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/nothing-to-spit-at/
EEUUUHHH You are a by for sure!!! Lol! But those suction/vaccuum cleaner things the hygeniest use in your mouth these days are also not fun. But I thank you for the validation. Glad someone else blames MS for everything!
Love this! I have low bp, and whenever I go to a new doctor (imagine all the “new” doctors I just met in the past 2 years!) they always take my bp twice “just to be sure.” ACK! I had one ask me, “Did you actually wake up this morning?” lol
I agree–the machines are tight tight tight compared to the manual cuffs. But what are terrible, are the ones they sometimes use on your wrist. The last time I had that done, my bp was 40 pts higher than my normal, so this nurse told me I had high blood pressure and they might have to put me on meds! NO NO NO!! Wrong kind of meds! I asked them to redo it with an arm cuff (didn’t care which kind) and sure enough, my bp was back to my normal, but now she didn’t believe it was real because it was “too low.” Ugh. I can’t win….
Don’t get me started on the dentist…
LOL!! Thank you for your input Lisa- too funny. But now you have me bummed about the wrist cuffs. No wonder they don’t like to use them. And how insane is it that they were going to diagnose you on one wrist cuff reading!! Good thing you said something! They may have the medical training but we know our own bodies best. Sigh…. If we can walk on the moon then why can’t we make an accurate wrist cuff or an arm cuff that isn’t so awful??