Falling Only Slightly Apart

Multiple Sclerosis hits the ground

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a big fall

All the King’s horses and all the King’s men

Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again.

(or something like this- nursery rhyme from my childhood)

Well, that’s just great for him…

What the hell was he doing sitting on a wall anyway? 

At least that’s what I thought when I was kid- probably less the “hell” part depending on my age at the time.

Now I don’t really care, especially since Humpty Dumpty is essentially an egg.

See, I have an egg aversion. 

Unless eggs are scrambled and covered with so much cheese, you don’t know they are eggs or put in a quiche and smothered with so much cheese they are totally unrecognizable or cracked and mixed into the batter of something delicious when baked, I don’t like them. 

I have had to learn to live with them a bit as Bella, Peter’s dog, gets a hard-boiled egg for breakfast each morning. I squirm and whine every time I see her eat it.

But Humpty Dumpty has gotten me thinking lately. Was he just clumsy? Perhaps he had multiple sclerosis? That would explain both his lack of judgement AND his illness induced lack of balance.

Like Humpty Dumpty I have had a few falls in the last few years for which I try to give excuses.

There was the “not paying attention, walking through a corn maze with Peter” fall. Damn corn stalk.

There was the “not paying attention walking on the beach with Peter when I tripped on a huge boulder partially covered by sand” fall.

There was the “so happy I actually climbed a mountain with Peter that I stopped paying attention walking down the mountain and slipped on a leaf covered trail” fall.

{That one was with Bella too. And Peter blamed my worn sneakers as not really being great climbing down a mountain gear.)

There was the “so excited to introduce Peter to old friends I slipped on the sidewalk” fall.

Now that I think about it, Peter has been with me during many of my falls- should I be concerned he’s adding a little nudge here and there?

No, that’s not very likely. What IS likely is that the universe likes to embarrass me and make me look as unalluring as possible.

There was the “enjoying the scenery so much while walking in the woods with Bella that I tripped” fall.

And there was the “being angry at something while walking Bella that I tried to make an angry cell phone call” fall.

Bella is great when she’s with me during these incidents. She strays only as far away as necessary to find a stick and gift it to me. Her remedy for getting back up is to play fetch. She swears it cures all.

(Interestingly, I have never had “a getting tripped over her leash when she crosses and uncrosses my path” fall but I’m sure it’s a fall just waiting to happen.)

There was the “opening concerning looking mail while walking back from the mailroom” fall.

There was the “so happy to be done with laundry that I was skipping while carrying a heavy laundry basket” fall.

There was the “embarrassed to be late to another author’s book talk so I wasn’t paying attention” fall but that one I blame on the library hosting the talk. There was a bit of raised cement that was not flush with the parking lot.

For like two seconds I considered legal action, but

1. I wasn’t hurt
2. I’m not “sue happy” and
3. It seemed like a lot of work

Plus, I LOVE libraries.

Finally, there was the “totally overwhelmed and sad about to scatter my sister’s ashes in a park” fall where I fell off a slightly raised boardwalk. 

Peter was there for that one too and for context, it was only a small amount of my sister’s ashes in a tiny urn that we thought should be scattered in her happy place. I can’t tell you where that happy place was because I’m not sure it was totally legal to scatter anything there.

Since I am not an egg, by some miracle I haven’t cracked anything during these vertically challenged incidents. I’ve gotten bruised though. I have bruised my body and bruised my ego, but haven’t suffered an actual break, yet.

All these incidents were in the last five to six years, and it seems like a lot.

Is it?

When do you know you are falling too much? 

Should I just chalk them up to clumsiness?

I once worked with a lovely woman who liked to call me “Grace.”

Or is it MS and if so, what should I do about it?

My first neurologist told me MS wasn’t the reason why I was so clumsy. Though she also told me that not qualifying for secondary health insurance with the part-time work she was recommending was NOT a reason to file for disability, so what did she know? 

I guess I will know for sure when I fall during the observational walk down my second neurologist’s long hallway, hopefully not for a while.

I do have balance exercises a trainer taught me. They are easy enough to do every time I do my weak knee physical therapy exercises, which is almost never.

I have wondered if it is just a matter of not paying enough attention. My multi-tasking skills were the first thing to go when I was working full time while living both unknowingly and knowingly with MS. I have always been a good walker and never had to think about it too much. Is that what this is about?

Maybe I should watch where I am going more and not open the mail or skip carrying laundry while rushing to get somewhere?

Maybe I should stand still while making proper introductions or keep an eye on my path when coming down a mountain?

I guess it is worth a try, with the goal of stalling the need for walking aids as much as possible.

Alas, it is a New Year, and a lot of the stress of 2024 will hopefully stay in 2024. I can work on paying more attention when I walk and keeping up with my balance exercises AND my knee exercises.

And like somebody should have told Humpty Dumpty, stay away from sitting on high walls.

And, more importantly, stay away from eggs…