Easy is as Easy Doesn’t Do

An unhealthy observation

Hello my friends!!

I hope you all enjoyed that extra special, extra blessed holiday that happens in the middle of February.  I’m talking about the one devoted just to you.  The one with the pink and red hearts and all the sweetness and the love.  You know the holiday I mean of course.  It’s a biggie. 

I hope you all enjoyed February 15^th, the 50% off Valentines Day candy Day!!!  

 And now, for this month’s blog-

Speaking of a big box of chocolates, I was recently reminded of a quote from Forrest Gump, “stupid is as stupid does.”  With all due respect to Forrest, I find the quote well, stupid.

I’m not sure I understand it at all.  But since Forrest was supposed to be a man with a low IQ but a very kind heart and a lot of common sense, the quote should be easy, which is a big part of the problem.  I think a quote I can better relate to is “Easy is as easy doesn’t do.”

It seems like whenever I hear someone tell me something is easy or super easy or, if they are in Massachusetts, wicked easy, I fall apart.  Because it never is!!  It’s always just the opposite.

I officially began to conceptualize this back when I was trying to earn extra cash providing child care- it’s not called babysitting when you are in your 40’s.  I would arrive at a home and the parents would tell me their children were great, they fall asleep right at 8:30, and “we really just need an adult here for emergencies- you won’t have any trouble with these 2 or 3 or 12.”

I would prepare my snacks and my reading materials and settle in for a night of getting paid generously just to be at this person’s house “for emergencies.”  And the emergencies would almost always come from the badly behaved children who would make me actually work.  It would be me who would need to pass out at 8:30, but I couldn’t as that was when these adorable little tots would just be getting their 2^nd or 3^rd  or 12^th wind.

One woman wanted to surprise her sister with a night out as the sister was a single mom and had been pretty tired lately.  She told me  that her little niece was a total sweetie and I was going to love her.  And I would have loved her perhaps, if I was a glutton for babysitting, oops I mean childcaring, punishment.  The child was a direct descendant of some sort of villaniess beast, I swear she was.  Once her mom and aunt left, she even started to speak in this monstrous voice.  In short, the kid freaked me out.

No, I would only relax when the parents would be super concerned about their kids behavior, worried they might act up, and eager to know how it went when they came home. I quickly learned that those kids were the ones that made my childcaring well, easy.

But it’s not just parents and kids. Have you ever noticed this phenomenon?

Classic example- my friend had some back trouble and asked me to help her with a new brace.

“The nurse said it was easy,” she told me.  “I could probably put it on myself but until I’m used to it I’m having trouble as the velcro is in the back.”

Even her instructions said the brace was very simple to use.  Three very complicated pages later, she was crying tears of pain and I was crying tears of frustration.  Her home care nurse didn’t cry but couldn’t figure out how to use the brace either.  It took her specialized physical therapy home care nurse 30 mins before he figured it out.

 

 

 

Yes, it was that easy.

Even songs that talk about things that are easy are almost always wrong.  Linda Rondstadt had a hit in the 70’s called It’s So Easy.  Do you remember it?  Well then I ask you, if it’s so easy why is it so hard to figure out the rest of the lyrics?

The Commodores released a song called Easy.   The chorus includes this line, “That’s why I’m easy, easy like Sunday morning.”

I don’t find Sunday morning easy at all!

Do I sleep in and rest or do I get up, make myself presentable and go to church?

Do I plan on getting things accomplished later or do I just rest?

Back when I had a Saturday night night life the Sunday morning question was, do I get up and try to cure my wicked (yes, I’m from Massachusetts) hangover or do I sleep in and wait until it goes away on it’s own?

With so many questions overwhelming my Sunday mornings I do not find them easy.  And I’m betting that The Commodores really didn’t either.  Hey Lionel Ritchie, I might better like your song if the chorus was more like, “That’s why I’m tired, tired like Sunday morning.”

This came up recently as I have joined my local YMCA.

No, seriously, I really have.  And to further stump all of you, my awesome readers, I’ve actually even gone to some classes.

The ‘easy not being easy’ thing came up while deciding which classes to go to.  Of course I haven’t worked out in a little bit (just a measly 10-15 years or thereabouts) and knew things might be tough at first.  I observed several and decided I wanted to try a Nia Sculpt class because it was dance like and included some great music.  But the YMCA description didn’t include the DRC note which stands for low impact.

Still, it looked fun and so I tried it.  And I did it!  It wasn’t pretty.  And I was always behind and had to skip some of the specific moves but the point was, I was moving.  Two days later I tried the class I was really looking forward to.  It was called Funky Fitness and was definitely listed as a DRC class- low impact, perfect for beginners.

When I arrived I realized I was the youngest member by at least 20 years.  And it was hard!!!  I couldn’t even keep up with the funky warm up movements.  Or the funky ways you could walk during the cardio portion- like a chicken, like Groucho Marx, like a toddler, slowly, more slowly, fast, faster, it went on and on…

It seemed the only funky thing I could do was walk into the other funky participants.

When they stopped the movement and showed us how to check our heart rate I calculated my own as 30 beats per minute, which it turns out, is not moving at all and was a fourth of what some of the others were.   Not only was I lousy at the class but I had to do math and health too!

The hour ended with juggling.  I’m not kidding, juggling.  The class may have been low impact but it wasn’t at all for me, a beginner.

It may have been funky but it definitely wasn’t easy.

So I’ve decided that from now on, if something claims to be easy, I’m moving in the other direction, perhaps using a Groucho Marx walk.

And if you think I may be exaggerating my claim that easy is as easy doesn’t do, just check out these lyrics from Gun’s and Roses It’s So Easy song.

“I make the fire

But I miss the fire fight

I hit the bull’s eye every night

It’s so easy, easy

When everybody’s trying to please me”

Guns and Roses

(See- that’s not so easy at all!)