MS meets the big C
With a title like that you probably thought this blog was about something juicy- perhaps even pornographic. Maybe R rated or at least PG-13.
Sorry to disappoint you my friends. I’m not ready for THAT kind of writing.
And while this post is about an actual boob, as in body part, as in, my right breast in particular, it may not be exciting as one would think a boob blog should be.
(But, come to think of it, another type of boob does come up later in the story if we use the other boob definition- a foolish or dumb person.)
On December 12th I was told that the very small, very new spot found on a mammogram was cancer. How ironic as this is the rough time frame of my multiple sclerosis diagnosis nine years ago. No more routine appointments in November!
Because it’s small and new the treatment options are positive and encouraging.
Warning friends, please, please, please don’t skip recommended cancer screenings-early detection makes a huge difference. I almost skipped the mammogram because I hate them. They are painful likely due to MS and I always worry that I will pass out with a boob still clamped in the machine.
The only reason why I scheduled this one was because the mammogram people kept calling me, as often and as intolerable as a time share telemarketer. When they finally caught me off guard, I figured I would just go to shut them up. And kudos to them for their obnoxious persistence.
Here’s the weird thing and the part about MS awareness. Once I heard the words small and new, I wasn’t as upset about this diagnosis as one might be. I didn’t even break down.
What did upset me was the thought of future frustrations and the overall overwhelmingness of treatment.
(Yes, I know overwhelmingness is not a real word. But I also know that MS has its own vocabulary.)
I did fine meeting the doctor who would do the proposed lumpectomy and went off skipping to the lab for my blood work with hardly a care in the world.
The problem came on the day of the MRI.
I didn’t sleep well the night before but not out of concern. I’m an MRI expert and was not worried at all. If you regularly survive two hours in the tube with your head locked in a cage, a little lower body MRI ain’t nothing to stress about.
But MS chose that night to have my bladder act up full throttle.
(First frustration-it’s been behaving itself of late so why that night?)
This meant I didn’t sleep which meant in order to drive to the MRI I needed to take some of my RX stimulant. But not take it with too much water because a full bladder making me all jiggly is not conducive to the body stillness required while in the machine.
On the highway and only 20 minutes before my appointment, I received a call from a boob (dumb person) in the MRI billing department informing me that my secondary insurance denied my claim and so I should be prepared to pay 20% of my visit; did I want to do that, or did I want to cancel the appointment.
Of course I wanted to cancel- who looks forward to an MRI? But canceling wasn’t a wise option.
She said all of this so casually, as if we were talking about a manicure or a spa treatment.
“Um, how much would the 20% of the visit cost?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” she responded.
“Why did my insurance deny it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is it worth it to resubmit it?”
“I don’t know. Do you want me to cancel your MRI?”
Was this not a defective conversation? Did the fake tree lady from my last blog (see Defective Tree or Me?) leave her job at the fake tree factory and was now working in MRI billing?
I asked for more information. She said she would call me back.
She did, as I was walking into the building. I asked if I could come talk to her directly since I was already there, but alas, no, she was calling from a corporate office over sixty miles away.
She told me she talked to someone who talked to someone else who said they thought my part MIGHT be about $100. But they weren’t sure. They were surprised as this was usually covered but it wasn’t. Should we cancel or not? They needed to know.
I broke down then.
Big fat tears of frustration and indecisiveness and fatigue.
Big fat tears right in the lobby. Tears for the futility of preparing and saving my week’s physical and emotional MS energy to tackle this important cancer task.
I know in the normal world this is no big deal.
I know I’m lucky I even have insurance, especially as people aren’t getting their paychecks due to the government shut down.
I know I’m lucky that my cancer diagnosis comes with a lot of hope.
And I’m lucky that the nice MRI employee who witnessed my big fat tears, was able to reschedule me quickly and promised to follow up on the insurance herself. She also told me it was best to cancel that day as if they didn’t get to the bottom of the insurance problem it could continue and $100 could turn into thousands on this journey.
So, knowing all this, why the breakdown?
Because frustration is exhausting and when you live with constant exhaustion, more frustration handed down so casually from a voice on your cell phone can easily push you to the edge. Especially when that voice calls later that day to smugly say the problem was a wrong insurance code, “so it wasn’t our fault,” and the MRI next week SHOULD be covered.
(If I were to share my response to that call then this blog WOULD become R rated.)
Sometimes it’s the little things, not the big ones, that hit you the hardest, when you least expect it. And it can be the innocuous that actually pushes you over the edge, no matter how steep the cliff is.
In all of that “to have the MRI or re-schedule” commotion, I lost a glove. I didn’t love the glove, but a glove is a glove. And the tears fell again.
But it’s all ok.
My single glove and I can take it and we’ll keep kicking MS butt and now we’ll kick cancer’s butt.
But it sure does help finding the nice people thrown in among all the boobs.
FYI
Need a little chronic illness inspiration for 2019?
Check out When Bodies Break: How we survive and thrive with illness and disability, an anthology of 32 writers and their amazing stories. Hot off the presses and edited by the fabulous Cameron Auxer it is available on Amazon in paperback form for only $8.99! All proceeds from the sale of the book go the Benaroya Research Institute. And you might just recognize one or two of the many contributors!
I did order & it came, this Wonderful book when you 1st told everyone of it. Your 1 though Lady with a Wonderful Funny Sprirt, Stay Strong our Friend. God will get you past this spot in the road. You’ll see funny things on this road & I’ll love reading about them. Can hardly wait 2 hear these stories
So glad you picked it up Diane and that you are enjoying!!! I just got my copy and look forward to digging into the various and inspiring stories. Thank you too for your encouragment- I really appreciate it. May God bless you always.
I’m here for you my friend!
Thank you so much my friend!!!!
Absolutely brilliant blog! For someone I’ve never met, I feel like I know you simply through your writing. You are not only a talented writer, a funny strong independent tough cookie, you always show kindness and class. I’m telling you this to remind you that you are capable of over coming this!! Please don’t stop writing, it is probably a great outlet for you, and always a chuckle for me.
Penny, can’t tell you how much that means to me. Getting almost teary with it. Thank you so much my friend. Love, love, love your email address too my friend. I think you are a wicked tough cookie yourself! And speaking of cookies, hahaha!!
One of my great life complaints: Why should sick people, the ones going through the stress of illness and least able to add more crap to their plates, also have to manage their own insurance and bills and medical administrivia?
In a perfect world, the sick people would just have to handle being sick. That’s enough for any human being to have to deal with. The healthy people would call insurance companies, wade through their endless and annoying automated answering system choices (“Listen to the entire message, our menu has changed.”), and wait three hours for a human being who doesn’t know anything anyway (i.e. the “boobs” you refer to) all the while being subjected to music as irritating as MRI machine sounds.
You will be in my prayers as you face this new challenge, Yvonne.
Thank you so much Rick- I really appreciate that. Yes, boobs indeed! I hope you are well my friend.
Maybe it is a good thing that I was not with you for that visit as soon as I would have walked into the door I would have been yelling for someone in charge to get it fixed and right then…I love how these “little mix ups” happen and when we say that is wrong they try to put us off.. I had to get my husbands meds from the pharmacy he always uses in the building of the Dr. he sees I told them he needed all his meds refilled and they told me I needed to give them the names of the meds WTH?….He gets them filled every month don’t they have it in the computer what he gets? I got so pissed off I walked out and left husband a voicemail that he was going to have to deal with them.
So freaking crazy! But don’t worry my friend, likely will be lot’s of appts where I’ll ask you to handle the “boobs” we encounter! Love you.
A fantastic, well written accounting of “A Day in the Life”. Your emotions come through clear and loud, emotions most of us have at some time or other but would never be able to describe as beautifully as you do.
… and the SECOND glove! Well – a picture is worth a thousand words.
Your best blog ever. Keep writing for us, Yvonne
Thank you so much my friend!!!! I really appreciate that and appreciate your encouragment. It is so awesome!! And I’m not that good with images but just had to get the glove in somehow. Hahaha!
I also have MS and was diagnosed with lung cancer about 9 years after being diagnosed with MS. (Another side affect?) I survived surgery removing a third of my right lung and two ribs. That was twenty years ago and I am still here. Just keep moving forward Yvonne and you will be fine.
Wow Lynn- so glad to hear your story. And what a story it is!!!! Way to go friend. I really appreciate you sharing it and so glad to hear from someone who has kicked cancer butt and is continuing to kick MS butt as well!!!!
You got this, sweets! I laughed my way through this breast cancer and I know you will, too. Yes, we cry, as well….but we are bigger than those stupid little cancers. I named my tumor fred – small f because he didn’t deserve a big one. I launched a campaign – #DropDeadfred, and raised around $900 on Facebook for various cancer-related organisations. As Fran Drescher said in her book about her uterine cancer – CANCER SHMANCER!! PS thanks for promoting the book!
Fred, I love it!!! I named my MS Myron, the myelin munching monster. Will have to come up with a new name for the cancer. Thank you so much my friend! So glad to know you and thank you for all of your hard work on the book- it’s fantastic!!! Just like your pajamadaze.com website. And just like you!
So go get that 2nd opinion for the boob and if they want it out PROTON BEAM. No cutting. Just laser the sucker and no walls broken and no cells rogue. As for the MS idiots – I went through the same thing my LAST and I do mean LAST MRI. They quoted me $200 and I paid up front and several months later got a bill for over 2K. I said NO THANKS. It was stand alone center (my insurance does not allow hospital MRIs) and it was dirty and I got the flu from sickies in the waiting room. The ass you read the thing NEVER looked at my disc I brought for comparison saying I did not bring anything with me I put it in HIS hand as I insisted on seeing a doc not just a tech. My doc wanted ME to take it back to the center for him to compare. that day I was finished with her and with that center and NO I did not pay them a dime. She said he found a meningioma (very common with us – benign) and tried to scar me into a new drug and neurosurgery consult. Came home and saw my old neuro and we looked at it together on his phone. Only seen in 2 of 6 views and nothing to write home about. He asked if I wanted another MRI I said NO He asked if I wanted to try a new med I said NO. Got my Rx for Xanax and off I went until another year. I saw him this year and I fear he is starting to suffer from dementia and then I shall be screwed as he gets me. So here’s to him being overworked and needing to chill so he lasts a few years longer!
Tremendous account of your latest. Very sorry to read abut this but as humor writers do–you fight your way through making others smile!
Heartfelt wishes to you.
(That glove have lots of spunk…Don’t lose it!)
Yvonne Glad you won that battle Help you toughen up for next “boob” that doesn’t know squat As insurance, get a copy of the benefits & either learn it or have someone help you to understand it Then you will be ARMED for the next boob looking at their screen as that is all they know I would love to help you if I can as I was a health rep for 20 years & haves little insight to their godly gook lol Remember Knowledge is POWER & they do NOT expect anyone to ? their screen talk Keep up the fight & SPIRIT
Thank you so much Jon-super helpful info!!! PS-sorry I missed commenting on this earlier.
Yvonne you know I will go to as many appointments as you need, and as you know I have no problem telling off boobs …