Zen and the Art of Resting

Multiple sclerosis procrastinating, I mean, meditating

When I was in college, some three trillion, billion years ago, most of my dorm mates had to read a book called Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.   I wasn’t in the class that assigned the book and so I didn’t have to.  Back then I cared very little about Zen which seemed to me to be sort of a hippy/dippy concept.  I cared even less about motorcycle maintenance.

But the title struck me and I have always thought that I should read it myself one day.  It is on my list of things to do; along with clean my house, order a new auto injector for my MS shots, meet Keith Richards and win the lottery.

I bring this up because I have been thinking about Zen a lot lately.

In my book, MS Madness!  A “Giggle More, Cry Less” Story of Multiple Sclerosis, I make the comment that “despite what every two-year- old on the planet will tell you, naps rock.”

But here is a secret just for you, my lovely blog readers, I actually don’t like naps.  I know many, many people with MS and without who think naps rock.  And I know several two-year-olds who greatly protest naps but will snooze away a whole afternoon if you let them.

For me, I find naps uncomfortably disorientating.  I always wake up not knowing where I am, what day it is, what time it is, freezing in the winter, hot and sweaty in the summer and in every case, desperately needing to pee.  While I try to readjust my brain and get to the bathroom quickly, I feel out of sorts.

Thus I have learned that even with the extreme fatigue MS delivers on a constant, daily, hourly, minute by minute basis, naps are not for me.  I’m still tired though and what I have discovered is that I will often fall into a state of consciousness for which there is no name.

Here’s how it used to happen-  I would start to read say, and before I knew it, my eyelids would get droopy. I would move, shift my position in some way so that I would not fall asleep.  And I wouldn’t sleep.  I would be aware of my surroundings and the state I was in, completely content but without thought or focus on anything except that I was resting.

It’s a beautiful thing.  It seems to be a state of peace and rest that must be sort of zen-like.   And so I looked up Zen to see if that was what the word meant, being in a rest so complete that it is actually more restful than sleeping.  I can make this ‘more restful than sleeping’ claim because I have a pretty active dream life.  In my dreams I’m always fighting a dragon, watching a movie or running from police.  What I am doing while I am sleeping does not seem to be resting at all.

Wikipedia describes zen as “the attainment of enlightenment” and says that the word Zen itself translates to “absorption or meditative state.”  (For the record, Wikipedia was not clear on where and when you capitalize the word zen-not to me anyway- and so I keep alternating it here in this blog post figuring at one point I will get it right.)

An “absorption or meditative state”- yes, that perfectly describes the zoning out I do while I am attempting to rest away some MS fatigue.

All of this would be well and good except that it is multiple sclerosis we are talking about and thus, there’s a problem.   Lately I’m noticing that I am falling into my own personal Zen when I wake up in the morning.  This is tricky as my morning is already pretty busy.

Usually I wake up and head directly to the bathroom.  Then I take my thyroid pill with a glass of water and have to wait 30 minutes to eat or drink anything else.  I try to use that 30 minutes as prayer time.

Then I get up and have a cup of tea while I check all of my emails and social media sites.   Then I have breakfast.  By this time it is often late in the morning, way too late to try to squeeze exercise into my routine.

Last week I woke up and somewhere between my prayer time and my cup of tea, I went to my zen place.  For over an hour I laid in bed not praying, not reading, not watching tv, not thinking, not sleeping.

It happened again twice this week.  What this means is that if I wake up around 9, by the time I do the above AND include fitting in my needed Zen, I am just having breakfast while the rest of the world is clearing their lunch dishes.

MS already robs me of much needed hours in the day by making it take longer for me to do EVERYTHING and needing more hours of sleep than most people.

And yes, I have tried to go to bed earlier but that just makes me sleep even more.  I’ve tried to set my alarm for a regular wake up time but in my dream/sleep state or even in my meditative state, my semi conscious self just shuts the alarm off, unconsciously.

Of course I worried about the severity of this particular problem.   Then I found a quote from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

No I still have not read the book.  I found this quote on Goodreads thank you very much.

“The place to improve the world is first in one’s own heart and head and hands, and then work outward from there.”

Robert M. Pirsig

That made me feel better.  I am not being lazy when I am in my zen and even if I don’t have the time for Zen, it’s crucial as I am improving the world by improving my heart and my head and my hands.

Yes, there was a time when I would get a lot more done in my mornings and be productive but that was zen, this is now.  Now, I must spend at least part of my day on improving the world.

Phew-what a relief.

If you are looking for me you can likely find me in my meditative state, perhaps under my little brother’s motorcycle….

Happy Father’s Day friends!  The picture below shows my oldest nephew in his Zen place with his two sons.   I have included it as a nod to zen and fathers and because I think it’s a freaking riot!

Finally, speaking of Goodreads– ok, it was me who mentioned Goodreads a couple of paragraphs back to usher in this handy tie in- don’t forget the Goodreads giveaway for MS Madness!   A “Giggle More, Cry Less” Story of Multiple Sclerosis is only open until June 22!

The link is below if you know anyone who would like to try to win a free copy….

MS Madness Goodreads Giveaway