No Execs Here

An MS epihany that should not be an epiphany

Mind blown!!

How come I didn’t know this already???

Here’s what went down.

I was casually strolling through my emails when I came across one from the website WebMD, an online, easy to understand medical journal.  I’m not sure when or how I signed up for it, but periodically they send me an email with a topic in the subject line.  Once you open the email you can see and choose to read six or so other topics.

Informative topics such as, 12 Digestive Problems You Should Never Ignore, The Hazards Lurking in Your Medical Cabinet, Why You Snore and How to Stop.  I only open the email if I am interested in the topic in the subject line.

I think the topic that made me open this email was something like Fruits You Are Not Eating but Should Be.

I figured the answer would be all of them- which describes me pretty well.  Though I do love strawberries and have picked up on that old “an apple a day..” adage, as long as that apple a day comes with a nice sharp apple corer.  And I do enjoy fresh pineapple but oh, the work.

But no, the fruits on this list were ones I has never heard of, probably can’t get at my little Stop and Shop and probably wouldn’t buy if I could.

Breadfruit?

Durian?

Mangosteen?

Really?

Scrolling down, I saw a topic called Signs You Have Executive Functioning Problems.

I do have executive problems.  My problem is, I don’t like them.

Executives make too much $, are sometimes mean to their employees, and get all the best vacation spots and company swag.  At least in my opinion.

I’m sure some executives are nice.  But have you ever watched Shark Tank?

Anyway, I was procrastinating.

(Which will go to the point of this blog in just a bit, I promise.)

So I opened up this topic and it turns out, holy crap, that executive functioning is not about executives at all!

It refers to how your brain works or, in my case, doesn’t work.

Since my diagnosis I have referred to this in a general, meandering way, (which is part of the problem) as multiple sclerosis cognitive disfunction.  And executive functioning explains it completely!!!

It’s defined as-

The mental processes that allow us to plan, focus attention, process information, make decisions, remember and juggle multiple tasks.  And some of its symptoms are trouble managing time, trouble processing actions with multiple steps, struggles retrieving mental information, difficulty starting even the smallest of projects, and weird mood swings that seem to arise without a cause.

It explains why I CAN remember a whole detailed story of something minor that happened to me when I was 8, but I CAN’T remember if I took my “so I don’t pee all night” pill.

It explains why, just this second, I had to look up the “it’s vs its” thing on my computer for the 350 billioneth time.

It explains why I don’t even know if 350 billioneth is an accurate number or accurate spelling and am too lazy to investigate it.

It explains why I’m so lousy with technology.   Look at all the steps it takes to do anything on my laptop.  I get “turn on computer” and after that everything gets too complicated!

It explains why I don’t understand why my Flip speaker hates me.  I love it.  I love the beautiful music that comes out of it.  But not knowing why it won’t work 50% of the time definitively messes with my brain.

It explains why I completely understood when my friend was trying to figure something out and said “be quiet, I need to smell this.”

And it also explains why I procrastinate 1, 2, maybe 3 hours before I can even seem to take a shower.  It’s 3 PM and I only just brushed my teeth for the day!

It has been this way since right before my diagnosis.  In my book, MS Madness! I talk about always being late when I’d never been late before.  I blamed it on aliens coming down from space, grabbing me, deciding my medical issues were too screwed up to make me a good human specimen, erasing my memory and plopping me back down on Earth.

But is that really it?

More likely, MS has attacked the part of my brain responsible for executive functioning.

Here is my question,-why hasn’t this connection been made before?

Screw the renowned first neurologist I saw who said if I can’t describe MS cognitive dysfunction, then I must not have it.  I do have it and if I knew the words “executive functioning” the lack of executive functioning is all I needed to say!

I wonder if problems with executive functioning can occur when something happens to a certain part of your brain?

I don’t know, say, if you happen to have areas in your brain that have scarring due to something like, for example, a neurological disorder?  I’m going with yes without even spending millions in grant money and years in a lab studying this theory.

There are people, (ie. patients) in the medical community who say that patients are the real experts.  I never bought into that too much.  I love my neurologist now- not the same one obviously, switching was the best MS move I ever made.  I want to tell him what’s wrong, have him tell me what to do about it and as long as it’s not too obnoxious, I’ll do it.

(Not giving up all sweets- no way, no how, don’t even mention it.)

I don’t want or need the scientific details behind my neurological condition. I don’t like science and don’t want to know anything about it.  I even almost failed science in the 7^th grade.

(How was I supposed to know that if you filled a test tube with water, put in a one holed rubber stopper, put a thermometer in the stopper and then put it over a heat source it would explode, and the thermometer would be stuck in the ceiling until the custodian could be contacted to bring his big ladder into the classroom and yank it back out?  I wonder if the hole is still there??)

The point being, how did I, one who hates science and has never been to medical school, link problems with something called executive functioning to MS cognitive disfunction?  Even the WebMD article doesn’t cite multiple sclerosis as a possible cause.

I don’t why, but it’s comforting to appreciate the direct correlation.  I feel like it has changed my whole view of my cognitive issues.  It even helped them make a little more sense in a senseless MS world.

I guess my fellow patients are right- we ARE the experts. And we don’t even need any executives to help us figure that out!

The happiest of holidays to you, my friends.  May your 2022 be filled with love, light, laughter and the best of health!