Mr. Clean is the Man for Me

Multiple sclerosis tries to clean up

It’s not a secret that I have slight germ-a-phobe tendencies. I’m not quite ready to lock myself in a plastic bubble (scrubbing bubbles to be precise) just yet, but it is troublesome. On a yearly family trip with my mom and sister, I have to run and hide when they watch reruns of Monk. It’s not that the violence is too much for me, but because it frightens me how much I can relate to his mysophobia– the official name of the condition also known as germ psycho.

But here’s another secret about me that you likely don’t know. While a germ-a-phobe, I am a lousy cleaner! Come to my house and it looks neat and tidy and organized and everything is in its place. But upon further inspection, you will see layers of dust that are freaking me out but that I don’t have the energy to get rid of. I just dusted five weeks ago- how can there be so much dust again?

While this particular personal conundrum has nothing to do with MS, my MS does not help the situation. Frankly, it is wearing me down.

Earlier this week I desperately needed to clean my bathroom. And I mean a whole floor to ceiling scrub down. I had it on my list of things to do for weeks, spot cleaning here and there to combat my mysophobia.

Thank goodness for Lysol wipes, the super expensive solution to every poor, fatigued germ-a-phobe’s worst nightmares.

 

Eventually I scheduled a day to attack the bathroom. Scheduling a day meant I had to find a day where I could rest up for a couple of days before and then be able to rest a couple of days afterwards. Fellow MSers can relate.

That morning I blasted loud rock music to help me accomplish this task. My MS aches combined with my lack of cleaning abilities combined with my MS lack of balance, made the whole 5 hour job treacherous.

Good thing I had been working on my balance issues with the Wii. The scary and weird contortions I had to twist into to get to the high places in my shower stall were worst than walking a tightrope between two skyscrapers (the balance game I am using on my Wii– imaginary skyscrapers but still dangerous.)

Many times I would have to grab the shower curtain rod to steady myself, like that was really going to protect me should I start to slip.

On my hands and knees scrubbing away at the soap scum in the tub while Pink blasted through my apartment (so what, I’m still a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don’t need you…) I whined to myself about the difficulty that cleaning had become. Everything ached and I wasn’t even close to be being done.

 

Then something truly horrible happened- I glanced at the can I sprayed all over my tub only to see in big letters on the front- KABOOM, Foam-Tastic Toilet Cleaner. I was cleaning my tub with toilet bowl cleaner!

How could this be? I know MS made me dumb at times but I had bought this stuff because of the commercial where the lady sprays her tub with this blue stuff and then everything turns white and sparkly. But it was toilet bowl cleaner! Talk about false advertising. And now I was super grossed out.

I did my best to get off the floor, which took another 5 hours-actually 5 minutes but it felt like 5 hours- and read the tiny fine print on the back. Seems KABOOM toilet bowl cleaner can also be used on fiberglass and glazed ceramic tiles.

 

Was my bathroom made of fiberglass or glazed ceramic tiles? I had no idea. Should I go to the computer to research this? I would but was too fearful of mixing my bathroom germs with my keyboard germs.

I collapsed into a corner of the bathroom and returned to scrubbing and thinking, there had to be a better way. When the folks in the know finished making things to make cooking with MS easier, can’t they start making things to make cleaning with MS easier?

 

My brain fog actually discovered the answer-his name is Mr. Clean! Pink’s music became replaced with this jingle-

“Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean gets rid of dirt and grime and grease

in just under a minute.

Mr. Clean will clean your whole house

and everything that’s in it!”

Everything? Me too? Will he clean me as well? Sometimes I am just too tired to even take a shower. Maybe Mr. Clean will help! Not on the first date of course, but maybe after a dinner or two. Before I knew it I was actually fantasizing about Mr. Clean, the man who “was born to clean.”

 

He’s strong, handsome, and he is the man for me! I don’t even mind that he’s bald. Some guys rocky baldness in a sexy way, like Howie Mandel, another person with a mysophobia problem.  Come to think of it, so does my MS hero, Montel Williams.

Maybe I could talk Mr. Clean into doing something about those bushy eyebrows but if not, I’m flexible.

That’s it. I’m throwing all my thoughts of being too tired to date out the dirty window. Mr. Clean is the man for me!

 

New life plan- I have to meet him.

And quick, my recently cleaned bathroom won’t stay germ free for long!

 

MS Madness! A “Giggle More, Cry Less” Story of Multiple Sclerosis update-

Thank you for your patience friends! I expect a release date within the next ten days!