Laugh, Smile, Grin, Grimace-You Choose-
My head is not braining today Dove
I’ve lost weight. The problem is that it keeps finding me again! Yvonne deSousa
It wasn’t me. I remember the day I didn’t do it
Dayton, age 6, defending himself against the allegation that he ordered a $5.99 pay per view Spongebob movie without permission
Have you talked to him since the last time you talked to him? Yvonne deSousa
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men Roald Dahl
There’s no price on anything. How do you know how much anything is? My mom, at the Dollar Store
I’m too tired to sleep Yvonne deSousa
Dear turkeys, don’t worry. They only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, women jokes4us.com
Mirror, mirror on the wall- WTF happened? Anonymous
Scientists reportedly discovered a so called ‘off switch off’ for pain. I discovered that years ago. It’s called wine. Henry Hamblin
My MS is not your MS and your MS is weird Yvonne deSousa
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off Onelinefun.com
In God we trust; all others must pay cash. Fortune Cookie
I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it. Ken Dodd
These bladder issues are really pissing me off! Laurie deSousa
How do you make it holy water? Boil the hell out of it! Anonymous
There’s a library at the playground?! Lexi (age 6)
Me- Thank you for coming to my talk tonight Miss Etta. Etta (age 6)– I had nowhere else to go!
Sometimes I wonder “why is that frisbee getting bigger?” Then it hits me. Author Unknown
I don’t feel old. In fact, I don’t feel anything at all until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. Bob Hope
I’ve been soaking up drink like a sponge…. Jagger/Richards
If someone breaks your heart, punch them in the face. Seriously. Punch them in the face and go get some ice cream. Frank Ocean
Why didn’t the MS patient cross the road? Couldn’t get up the nerve Henry Hamblin
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now and we don’t know where the hell she is Ellen DeGeneres
They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody? Princess Diana
It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper Jerry Seinfeld
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday Church Bulletin
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict Church Bulletin
Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing “Put me in my little bed accomanied by the Pastor” Church Bulletin
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough Lynette, age 8
Anyone can stub their toe. But it takes someone with real talent to stub their thumb! Yvonne deSousa
If you’re going through hell, keep going Winston Churchill
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do Isaac Asimov
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt Abraham Lincoln
Don’t let worry kill you- let the Church help Church Bulletin
The trouble with mornings is that they come when you are not awake Author Unknown
Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement Ronald Reagan
A cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree Spike Milligan
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing Robert Benchley
Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too Greg, age 8
Weight Watchers will meet at 7PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at side entrance Church Bulletin
What memory section? Yvonne deSousa
Remember Danny-two wrongs don’t make a right but three rights make a left Chevy Chase/Caddyshack
I’ve said it before, this is all I can do. I’m a lousy plumber Keith Richards
Conversation between two sisters with relapsing/remitting regarding an MS pizza social-
“Do you know if it is a sit down type of thing?”
“I hope so! It is for people with MS after all! Would they make us stand up to eat pizza?” Yvonne deSousa
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere! Dr. Seuss
Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine Elvis Presley
I don’t understand. All my life I’ve been waiting for someone and when I find her, she’s…..she’s a fish Splash
Doing nothing is very hard to do-you never know when you’re finished Leslie Nielson
Never give up! Remember, Moses was a basket case! Church Sign
I feel like I am taking crazy pills Zoolander
I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you anyway Author Unknown
So what if I accidentally sprayed my hair with disinfectant instead of hairspray? At least my hair is germ- free! Yvonne deSousa
Normal is nothing more than a cycle on a washing machine Whoopi Goldberg
The number-one fear in life is public speaking, and the number-two fear is death. This means that if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than giving the eulogy Jerry Springfield
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays Henry Youngman
Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if you only try! Dr. Seuss
Sermon this morning-Jesus Walks on the Water. Sermon tonight-searching for Jesus Church Bulletin
The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away- Tom Waits
Demented and sad, but social The Breakfast Club
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are ok, then it’s you Author Unknown
Why is it that lemonade is made with artificial flavoring but diswashing detergent is made with real lemons? Author Unknown
If you’re ever attacked by a bunch of clowns, go for the juggler Author Unknown
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt Mark Twain
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five Groucho Marx
If you can’t convince them, confuse them Harry S. Truman
I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me Dr. Seuss
I need glasses to find my glasses Dottie B.
I was trying to daydream but my mind kept wandering Steven Wright
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me Noel Coward
I’m normal. It’s everyone else that’s weird Author Unknown
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh since there is less cleaning up to do afterwards Kurt Vonnegut
I’ll tell you. I know what I mean Laurie deSousa
I haven’t exacerbated since high school My Odd Sock
If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it W.C. Fields
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes Author Unknown
I was going to buy a copy of the power of positive thinking and then I thought: what the hell good would that do? Ronnie Shakes
I’m trying to read a book on how to relax but I keep falling asleep Author Unknown
Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes Jack Handey
I never thought I was wasted but I probably was Keith Richards
The opening line of my letter from Tony Blair was “Dear Keith, you’ve always been one of my heroes…” England’s in the hands of somebody who I’m a hero of? It’s frightening Keith Richards
There has to be some thin plot line, although in a lot of my songs you’d be very hard-pressed to find it Keith Richards
He just rocks! Yvonne deSousa (talking about Keith Richards)