Cancer Trumps MS

Or, how I’m spending MS Awareness Month

See what I did there, my political friends???

Cancer and Multiple Sclerosis are both terrifying illnesses with mixed prognoses depending on many factors and each individual patient.  Still, I don’t think too many people would disagree if I were to say that cancer, posing the most immediate risks and trauma, does indeed trump MS, especially if surgery is required.

My surgery was on 2/28/19.  Being aware of the impending surgery meant that I was less aware that the day following my surgery was the beginning of a very important month for MS.  I don’t think I can be blamed for this too much as, with the support of my neurologist, I had temporarily stopped my MS meds, leaving fewer pin pricks to remind me, (‘pricks’ being a good word for them,) from my injections.

And though I tell you I was more aware of the bilateral mastectomy surgery, I really wasn’t.  People said I was taking it all so well but in retrospect, I think I was just in denial.

After I had been stripped and dressed in operation appropriate garb, it was when I was being wheeled into surgery that I suddenly understood what was about to happen.

Holy Crap, we’re really doing this.

I planned to back out once in the operating room, which looked freakishly like the inside of a space ship.  I attempted to butter up the surgeon by telling her what I thought was a funny story. She didn’t laugh and before I could say, STOP- THIS IS TOO INTENSE. LET ME OUT, somebody put an oxygen mask over me and that’s all I remember.

Many hours later, an obnoxious nurse was yelling at me.

“Yvonne, wake up. You’ve had surgery and you’re coming out of anesthesia.”

Thing is, I don’t think I was coming out of anesthesia.  I think I was properly in a comatose, comfy, pain free, anesthesia zone until the woman in scrubs started yelling at me.

Anyway, they wheeled me to a room, and I spent the night and most of the next day in appropriate, “post surgically having major parts of your body removed” pain.  All was as expected.

Until late on the second day, which happened to be March 1^st.

(Was I asleep through all of February 29-30^th?)

Not getting the attention it demanded, and not to be out done by something as trivial as a bilateral mastectomy to remove cancer, MS was all in.   Not only did my back, chest, and arms roar with agony, so did the rest of my body.  And it was that horrific, flu like needles and pins pain that MS is famous for, combined with those sudden “sharp like being stabbed” pain. And for good measure let’s ramp up your bladder issues while we’re attacking your WHOLE body.

It was like MS was saying, “cancer, puleeeze- I got this body and I got this month.  Stop being a whiner, I’m in control here.”

I accepted the surgery pain.  And after 9 years, knew I had to accept that MS was going to show up as it refuses to be left out of anything medical.

What I barely survived was the disdain I received from the residents, as if I was just a wimp or was out drug shopping for a future side deal.

“It’s a tough surgery.”

“We can add a little more to your IV but sometimes you have to ride things out.”

“I know, I know it hurts a bit, doesn’t it?

For the record, this was a small group of doctors who had never met me before and just happened to have the misfortune of being on my floor at the start of MS Awareness Month.  It was one of my actual doctors who figured out the problem when he asked, where exactly does it hurt?  I said everywhere and then began to list where, exactly, was everywhere.

I think it was when I got to my eyelashes, my teeth, the new strand of gray hair hanging down over my left eye that he got the gist and got me some different meds and the beginning of relief.

Not complete relief of course, there was still that cancer surgery I had to recover from, but it got better.

I’d like to think I spread some MS awareness by helping hospital residents realize that MS is insidious, stress can lead to flares, six hours of surgery is very stressful to your body, and, most importantly, of course MS is going to show up at the start of MS Awareness Month, it’s what the month’s about!

All told, the recovery is going well.  My plastic surgeon is pleased with his work and said he thinks when all is done, I’ll have a nice shape.

I think he’s a boob man.

I was made aware of some other things within the month.  Like, if at a post op appointment your doctor tells you to keep your scar covered and hands you surgical tape, you should use that surgical tape for that purpose.

How was I supposed to know it wasn’t for keeping track of which casserole dish came from which friend?  I didn’t have masking tape- what else was I supposed to do?

How come they don’t list masking tape as an item you should have on hand after surgery- bandages, healthy foods, basin and sponge for sponge bath, grabber, masking tape.   How else are you supposed to remember that the burnt tuna casserole dish that was a little too fishy came from your friend Elaine and not your friend Eileen?  The surgical tape helped with that.

I learned that when you break down and buy a grabber you should buy 2 grabbers.  You’ll need a grabber to grab your grabber when you drop your grabber on the floor.

Though the blood pressure cuff always makes me want to pass out and I absolutely hate it, I didn’t mind these leg cuffs they hooked you up to in the hospital.  They didn’t get that tight and they’re supposed to keep you from getting blood clots.  Or so the nurse said.  I think they were little leg massagers. At least if your legs felt good, maybe you could ignore the fact that your torso felt permanently stuck under a cement truck.

I loved the leg no clot things so much I thought I would buy them for home.  I went to Amazon and typed “personal massagers” in the search bar.  That didn’t work out quite like I expected as the link directed me to massagers for other parts of the body.

Next I typed “hospital leg cuff thing-a-ma-jig” into the search bar and nothing came up.

Then I took a nap and forgot all about it until now, where I’m too lazy to care anymore.

In an “only in a small town” type of way, I discovered through Facebook, where all things are accurate and true, that a friend of mine was not only in the same hospital but was in the room above me!  Had I known right before being discharged we could have had a blast-perhaps by banging our IV poles against the ceiling for me, the floor for her.

Maybe we could have learned how to beat our IV’s in time with Doctor My Eyes or something.

Oh, wait, she’s a metal fan, we couldn’t do that.

It would have to be a Motley Crew’s Dr. Feelgood.

Anyway, I know there are privacy and HIPPA laws, but we spent our entire time in the hospital in misery and didn’t even know we were in misery together.  My suggestion is this, forget privacy, let’s make hospital stays social with a revolving list of who’s where and what type of hospital party we should hold.

March is almost over and each day I’m feeling a bit better.   So, though you still have a few days to make your mark MS, I won’t have it.  Health problems aren’t just about you, whether you like it or not, or whether it’s your special month or not.

This month, March 2019, though you tried, cancer trumped you for sure.

Thank you all for your support!  I’m very grateful for each of you!!!