Angry

Yvonne and the miserable, horrible, yucky, little good, very bad attitude

Ah, it’s Lent again. A time of repentance, reconciliation, reflection and renewal.

It is the saddest time and the happiest time.

It is a time of despair and a time of hope.

Yet what I have been reflecting on this March is the Rolling Stones song, Angry. Particularly the line Mick crones that goes “I’m not angry with you,” which is weird because yes Mick, I am angry. 

Seems like there’s a lot to be angry about lately. But that just doesn’t coincide with this time or faith.

What’s a girl to do?

I’ve been thinking that since we are at the halfway point of Lent and I am human after all, it’s ok to be a little angry at times.

(Even Jesus himself had a hissy fit in the temple.)

I just have to change my attitude and maybe that will work out better if I vent to you about the things that have got me furious lately. And yes, as multiple sclerosis lives with me on a daily basis, and this is an MS blog, some things are MS related.

Holes in my clothes

I’m on a tight MS budget and take care of my things. So why do I keep getting tiny little holes in my clothes? I guess they are from moths and other fabric eating creatures, but I don’t see any. And trust me, I’ve checked. 

Research tells me that they don’t like lavender and moth balls are always good and so I bought lavender moth balls, and I still wind up with holey clothes. Some of my favorite shirts are starting to look like Swiss cheese.

I wore one turtleneck anyway as it was so soft, and I loved the color. I wore it until looking at me you saw more of my pale, flabby belly than mulberry cotton and I was forced to chuck it. It makes me concerned about buying anything new and my house smells like flowers and bug resistant chemicals, just like my elderly Aunt Rosella’s did in the 70’s. That’s just great.

Lume Commercials

Speaking of smells, those commercials for all over body deodorant for women really tick me off. Used to be that all we needed was one deodorant swipe under each arm and maybe a tiny bit of cologne and we were good to go. Now the media is telling women that we stink. What a way to empty our wallets and prey on our deepest insecurities.

Notice they don’t show commercials for all over body deodorant for men. You know why? Men don’t care! I know, I have smelled some of them.

Interesting shows on cable channels I don’t have

I have Netflix and Prime, the latter mostly to get free shipping. 

(Rant within a vent- why does Prime charge for movies so old that if you wait a month or two, you’ll probably get free on regular television anyway? Really makes no sense. But then again, there’s the free shipping thing..) 

But all the good shows I want to watch appear on something else. Well, you may say, just get the channels you are most excited about. But then the shows change their channel! I have done several 1-month free trials to binge a show I’m curious about only to get stuck in password overload, confusing cancelation dates and additional seasons when promised there would only be one season.

Thank goodness I enjoy reading!

Exceptions to the rules

I try hard to follow the rules. Sometimes I bend over backwards (well, since I have MS it’s more likely I’m bending over sideways if I’m bending at all,) to be a diligent rule follower. I have been known to stand in line again for even a basic follow up question or put extra postage on a mailing that MIGHT be less than half an ounce overweight. I take my medications EXACTLY as my doctor tells me too, I don’t drive with my handicapped placard still hanging from the rearview mirror, and damn, I don’t even use my placard unless it is an emergency or horrible weather or paid parking which happens to be free with a placard.

So when someone skates by carelessly disregarding rules right in front of me, I tend to get annoyed. Case in point- I had to take my mom in for an MRI and they didn’t make her change into a johnny! And why not? They didn’t want to stress her out too much.

I always have to strip and tie and hold onto scrubs that are always too big or too unflattering or too scratchy. Not my mom!!

They did make her remove her bra. At least that’s something.

Patient Portals

These are the worst. And often they don’t even work. Every time I have to log in for a new appointment, I have to update my meds and they still remain wrong. The portal will find a new old RX I haven’t used in ten years and decide to throw it in there or randomly take out something crucial, like an anti-anxiety RX which just causes me more anxiety.

Plus, and I have complained about this before, they are too involved. (See the All in with Bears blog.)

Suffice to say that when you make one appt you will then have at least seven notifications following it, most before you even get to said appointment. There are text, email and phone call reminders, the log in online reminder in text and email, the ‘are you here yet’ text and the notification to check your portal to receive the visit completed notation. Woe to you if you have any testing done. AND, as if I wasn’t mad enough, my neurologist is on a whole different portal!

Infuriating!

AI

No, it is not better or easier. Now when I want to do something it takes forever to either get through the artificial intelligence system only to have it tell you you need to talk to a real person but not give you any idea how to do that or waste your time trying to navigate around it. And usually, AI knows nothing.

It’s insulting too. I have a friend who is super talented in everything and is so sweet she is always willing and able to help me with anything. She needed to write a bio for a newsletter and looked to me. Finally, I was able to do something for her and completed what to her was a horribly unwanted chore. Several months later she was having a problem and needed a complaint letter. She was angry herself and just started typing. The next thing she knew, AI took over and wrote a whole complete, perfectly effective letter for her, before I even knew the problem existed!  If AI starts writing for her, especially angry stuff, how will I ever be able to help her with anything??

Slimy carrots

As I have previously described here, vegetables and I just don’t like each other. Some are slightly less obnoxious than others and I know they are important. I try to sneak them into my diet when it’s not too awful. I have been eating more salads and when I make them at home, I like to add pre-cut, pre-washed matchstick carrots to them as matchsticks don’t really taste like carrots and they can be covered in salad dressing. I just bought a bag, opened them, ate a few and they were wicked slimy!! The ‘use by’ date was good, and they looked fine but open the bag and they were even more disgusting than regular carrots.

Other types of produce can turn slimy too. For the record, cookies properly purchased by the expiration date and stored as directed never get slimy.

Division

I think the thing that has upset me most is the state of division in our country right now. It seems like the US is in a worse position than it was when the North and South were divided in 1860. We are disagreeing like the Hatfields versus the McCoys, the Montagues versus the Capulets, the Republicans versus the Democrats….oh, wait.

It is more frustrating than ever. How can one side see so clearly, and the other side be so blind? Of course, the blind side could make the same argument, not seeing that they are blind and that the other side are the ones who need the glasses. And then back again.

It is terrifying and makes me ANGRY!

Ah, phew…. Having all my rantings and ravings out on paper and giving them to you has made me feel so much better! Thank you. 

I hope I have not made you angry too. If I have, sorry about that.

As March winds down and the second half of Lent begins, I feel like there is hope on the horizon, hopefully. I plan on now turning to the reconciliation and renewal part of the Lenten season and focusing on the good news of Easter and Spring and bunnies and sunny days.

If all those don’t work, there’s always happy dog and baby videos- those don’t make me angry.

Unless they are on a cable channel I don’t already have a subscription for!!

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