An MS question that isn’t exactly about MS
There’s a website called Reddit and they have this thread called Am I the Asshole? In it, people detail why others are mad at them to see who’s in the wrong.
I don’t have a Reddit account.
I don’t even know what Reddit is.
Do you?
Never mind.
I have a more important question for you later in this post.
I do have a Yahoo account and sometimes Yahoo posts some of the AITA dilemmas. And I’m pretty much addicted. I can’t think of a better way to procrastinate in the morning than with a large cup of tea and this thread in front of me.
(I looked it up-that’s what these types of columns on the internet are called- threads. So much for my nonexistent sewing skills.)
Some juicy AITA tidbits include a bride who refused to let a mostly blind bridesmaid wear her glasses during the ceremony or in-laws who insist on taking over a newlywed couple’s home rent free
Somehow, reading about other people’s drama makes yours feel more normal.
Then an incident happened that lead me to question my own actions in a specific situation. So as not to get sued by Reddit, I’ve decided to inquire not if I’m the asshole here, but if I am the bee-atch. And truly, I want to know.
I live in an elderly/disabled community and it’s great. I’m lucky to live here for many reasons. So what if I’m one of the youngest residents and don’t look like I belong?
The one problem is the windows are old and rotten and for the four years I’ve lived here, the management has been promising to fix them. In the summer there’s only one window I can open and if it’s humid, not even that one will budge. In the winter the drafts are so extreme that I often wear blankets as I sip my morning tea and read AITA.
With open bids, Covid, supply issues and lack of workers, it finally came time for my building to get new windows this past January, during a period of extreme cold. I was told to remove the furniture near the windows and anything on or covering them. It was also suggested that I cover everything as even though the contractors clean up, the project of removing and replacing windows and a back door is pretty dusty.
This project was going to be a necessary but exhausting inconvenience for me but still, woohoo- finally new windows! 
The work would begin sometime on a Monday morning and 2 people in management, as well as an administrative assistant, told me mine was the first unit to be done and to be ready. I also received a letter implying the same.
I don’t do well with mornings, possibly due to MS, or with long days, likely due to MS, or construction noises, definitely due to MS. I prepared, which for me, also meant having a place to go for the cold winter day in a world maneuvering the aftereffects of Covid. And, in order to do that, taking drugs that would help me get through an early, long day though they would wipe me out the following day.
Come 7:00 AM that Monday, I was ready. 8:00 AM came- no window contractors. 8:30 the office opened but as I didn’t want to be a pest, I waited until 9 to inquire.
“Oh yes,” I was told, “the contractors have started hours ago and probably half your windows are out. Aren’t they?”
No, they were not.
“Hmmmm…..Guess they started on the other end of your building.”
I went out and sure enough, that’s where the window guys were.
I was overwhelmed.
I took matters into my own hands and went to talk to them.
“Hey, you guys, you’re on the wrong unit. You were supposed to start with mine. Can you come down here instead?” 
But no, obviously they couldn’t. They informed me that they always planned on starting where they were and didn’t know why I was told otherwise 3 times.
I began to cry in frustration.
Now, please don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t as though I was a spoiled child who was stamping my privileged feet and insisting they do my work first. I didn’t begrudge my neighbors their own new, desperately needed windows. It was the preparation that made me upset. With me, the prep doesn’t come easy.
I was upset enough to want to stress this to the manager and I asked the part time administrative assistant for her number, a number I had been given before, several times. It even appeared on previous paperwork that I’d never thought to save.
She refused to give it to me and said she would leave the manager a message and she would call me. (That was a lie. Over a month later I’ve not heard from said manager.)
I waited several hours, and, still upset, I went back to the office to try to again get the number. I was frustrated but nice. The assistant was incredibly condescending and still refused to give me the manager’s number or explain why she wouldn’t. We had a dialogue about it with me not letting the issue go.
Then she lost her temper, raised her voice, and said, “you’re getting new windows, I don’t know what else you want from me! Jesus Christ!!”
Now, I don’t believe that the world must be 100% politically correct all the time. Some things are just wrong and some things we are just way too sensitive about.
But seeing how this same office existed in such a politically correct mode as to have recently sent residents 2 letters strongly advising that all visible holiday displays be non secular, and since I was already worried how I would prepare again for the actual installation of new windows whenever I got them, I let her know that I was offended. And I sent a letter of complaint about her to the very same management who told me to be ready for contractors Monday morning.
So I ask, was I the bee-atch? 
Was I wrong to be upset by the wrong information and what to me was the lack of regard for what I needed to do disability wise to prepare for this project?
Was I mad at the wrong thing at the wrong time and linking the administrative assistant’s response to all those who look at me and tell me in their own condescending tone there’s nothing wrong with me, and then expect me to easily do things that are very hard for me?
In the end, the contractors came the following day, and I did get through it, though not easily. When they took out my old windows, they referred to them as “bleak” and I slowly cleaned up the dusty aftereffects.
I decided to let the issue go as I do understand that moving on can help with my MS mental health. But I do still wonder if I was the bee-atch. I wonder if I’m also the bee-atch when people solve problems that I don’t have and then get snarky when I don’t throw them a party in appreciation.
Case in point-
Person A- Wow, it’s cold out!
Me- I know. I’m wearing extra thick socks with my Uggs. (Is it still cool to wear Uggs? I don’t know but they are super warm and super comfy. No need to answer. I would like you to save your answers for the bee-atch question please.)
Person A- With your illness the cold must be too much for you. You should move South.
Me- well wow, the idea of moving South seems extreme and expensive. And I would miss my family and friends. Plus, the heat and humidity are much harder on me than the cold.
Person A- Oh yeah, well it gets hot and humid here. What do you do then?
Me- I hide in my apartment with the bad windows and sit directly in front of my ac until it goes away.
Person A- I guess you’ll just have to deal with the cold then!
Me- I know, thank you. I do. That’s why I’m wearing out of style Uggs with extra thick socks.
Or,
Person B- You look tired. Don’t you get enough sleep?
Me- I try to. But fatigue is one of the MS symptoms I live with, so I just try to balance my energy levels.
Person B- Can’t they give you anything for that?
Me- They can, but the medicines upset my stomach and really wipe me out the day after I take them, so I try to just use them on an “as needed” basis.
Person B- Well I guess you’ll just have to live with being tired!
Me- I know. I do. But thanks for the input.
It’s not the questions or suggestions that bother me, but the frustration that too often seems directed at me and makes me feel like the Incredible Hulk is only one or two emotions away.
So again, I ask you, am I the bee-atch?
And if I am the bee-atch, can I blame it on multiple sclerosis?
What do you do if you’re a bee-atch too???
I am definitely a B—H when it comes to getting service people to perform as promised although I start with a meek “pretty please” approach then find myself swiftly moving up the scale which involves a more military approach involving threats to file grievances or cancel orders, etc. Lately though what gets the work started and finished to satisfaction is just to mention the mere possibility of a bad review on social media. Maybe I should just start there in the first place so my MS isn’t too traumatized by all the ranting and raving!
Gotta hand it to the world wide web!! And if it works…… Thank you so much for reading and sharing Patricia- I truly appreciate it!
Nope not a bee ch as you put it. They told you to be ready for the window install and even knowing that you are living in that place because of an illness and not because it is the most wonderful place to live, they should have let you know they changed their minds. As for the people asking stupid questions about your illness – I am so sick of hearing “you don’t look sick and you are able to do most anything” I now say “Funny I may not look sick BUT you certainly LOOK stupid!” So done with all this drama and misinformation. Walk a day, heck an hour, in our shoes and then tell me everything is going to be great! Deep breath summer is on its way and we can then begin to complain about the heat lol!!
Thank you my friend! I appreciate it. One of my favorite lines when someone says you don’t look sick is, “Really? Can you please call my doctor and let him know? Maybe he got it wrong!!” As I always say, you just have to laugh. As for summer and heat approaching, I go in kicking and screaming!!! But at least I’ll be able to open my windows this year!!!! Thank you and my very best to you my friend.
No you aren’t either of those bad things, but you need to find a new circle to hang out with. The people who made those last two comments are bona fide jerks. They each deserve a good, hard dope slap. The fact that you didn’t give them one tells me that you are a (too) patient and (too) kind person. If you want, I’ll slap them for you. I’d love it.
No one should have to put up with such crap.
Thank you my friend! And so very kind of you to offer to be my henchman. Be forewarned, I may take you up on it!!! In my younger, bar hopping days I used to fantasize pouring a strawberry daiquiri over somebody’s head, but I was too poor to do it. Those daiquiri’s aint cheap!! Now I think that would be a perfect response. But I’m still too poor!!! Hope you are well Rick. And staying out of trouble even if trouble is completely called for!
You are not the be otch although I understand you’re questioning because I am more times than not, a total beotch when I get too hot or too uncomfortable or overwhelmed. I used to be a mental health therapist and I used to be really nice. Since MS I am a moody bitch. Also since menopause. But people are also annoying and need to learn to keep their mouths shut instead of saying rude and ignorant things. (See, the beotch in me is slipping out.) I totally understand what you’re talking about and you are not alone. Also I live in Central Florida and it is so hot here that the only time I can be outdoors without being either in a pool or the ocean is during our limited winters. So clearly the person that told you to move south is an idiot. Sorry not sorry 😂🤣😂
Lol on the sorry not sorry thing!!! Too funny! Thank you so much Ruth. I wish I had a spare bedroom to offer you on those super hot Florida days but alas, this unit is small. Brand new windows though!!! Hope all is well this time of year in the South my friend!
You are not the B*%ch Iam and I am proud of it. You had a reason for being upset you were told that the construction guys would be starting with YOUR unit, you had everything ready for when they got there, and to be honest sounds like the office assistant is just plain lazy. And I am still so blown away that they actually sent the tenants a letter regarding Christmas/Jewish decorations and a list of symbols and objects that were not approved like HELLO its a residence NOT a jail.
And 2 letters at that!!! The second letter was to soften the first letter but it actually was worse as it implied that the residents were stupid. Probably written by the AA lady who swore at me. But actually, I am very lucky to live here. It is maintained well and most of the staff are very nice. There’s always that one though…….. And my friend, if you are a bee-atch you are one of the kindest bee-atch’s I know. You have a really good and giving heart. But I have seen you go rogue when a friend is getting the shaft though. Then it’s watch out!!!!
Babe In Total Control of Herself.
Just a reminder that you actually recognize your irritation and frustration. And sometimes you express it to others who SHOULD be able to help. (As opposed to things that irritate and frustrate that just occur because of who we are and our friend, MS.)
So yes, darn it, we are in TOTAL CONTROL, even though it looks like a meltdown to others. Just help fix things that can be fixed,please, and leave the MS stuff to the experts. (Us experts who deal with this stuff daily)
Love your articles. Keep on keeping on.
I will Christine!! Thank you for checking out my blog and commenting. I really appreciate it!
***Also…March fourth is coming up. Time to re-think, and go fourth and live your best life, whatever it may be.
Other March holidays…*Fasnacht day 3/1 (look it up then go get yourself a glazed donut) * Pi day 3/14 (3.14) always a good excuse to enjoy a slice of pi!
*St, Urho’s Day 3/12 (again look it up) Wear Green and Purple, drink a glass of wine and recite: “Grasshopper, Grasshopper, Go to Hell”. (sorry its what you say. Its more difficult in Finnish) and of course, 3/15, the Ides of March. Good day to stay in bed and recover from St.Urho and get ready for 3/17 – St. Patrick’s Day. March is a busy month! Cheers.
Cheers to you too! Fascinating stuff- great to know!
Nah, you were fine. Cranky?..maybe. But they did tell you were first on the list, so you were justified. I have a problem with her reaction to you…WAY over the top. That would have set me off too. Can’t stand when someone is inconsiderate. What’s the big deal in giving you the phone number?
Enjoy your windows!
Thank you my friend. That makes me feel better when she was making me feel like a whiny child. Hope you are well!!
Oh Yvonne, you most definitely weren’t the bee-atch! Everyone else from Person A to Person B to the Administrative ASSistant we’re straight up BITCHES! As always, love reading your posts. ❤️
Thank you so much Lisa- I truly appreciate your support of the blog and your comment. I worried that by demanding the manager’s phone number I may have been pushing the issue too much, but damn, it wasn’t a casual, minor delay to me. I think that’s what I was trying to get across. My very best to you my friend!
The only kind of B you are is BEAUTIFUL.
You always let so much slide off your back; it was time to have a kick-butt reaction with no apologies necessary.
Granted, the office woman was not responsible for when the workers decided to start their job that day, but a little empathy would have gone a long way.
Thank you so much my friend. That is very kind of you to say and I really, really appreciate it!