Tag Archives: barbie

The World is coming to an End Part 1

Multiple Sclerosis is uncool

 

The world is coming to an end!

Perhaps that statement is a little extreme.  But when I saw the commercial that was my first thought.

What commercial you ask?

The one where Henry Winkler tries to get people 62 and older to contact him about a reverse mortgage.

You remember Henry Winkler of course; he was the coolest of the cool.  He was the Fonz and no one was cooler.  By his own admission, Elvis was close but that was all,.

Fonzie wasn’t just cool for the 50’s, the time period when Happy Days took place, but for the seventies and eighties too.

Personally, I was never cool.  But I was somewhat smart and as a somewhat smart person, I knew how to recognize cool immediately, even in my own family.

 

When I was 10 I had an adorable male cousin who was 6, always in trouble and funny.  And I just knew he was cool.  So cool that when my aunt bought him an Evel Knievel doll for Christmas, he had no qualms about announcing that he was disappointed as he already had it.  And none of the adults thought that was rude.

 

I then horrified my family by stating that I would love to take it off his hands.  It was not cool for a 10 year old girl to want to play with an Evel Knievel doll.  But, being smart, I only wanted the doll so it could be my Barbie’s new boyfriend. And how much cooler could Barbie be than by dumping Ken and taking up with Evel Knievel as a new boyfriend?

 

Now I’m in my forties and being cool or uncool isn’t as important, or so I thought.  But Henry Winkler being a spokesman for something only available to people over 62????  That is very upsetting and very, very uncool.

Since I’m not in my sixties, not quite yet anyway, my reaction to this commercial was a little drastic.  But the most upsetting part was when Fonzie said those who called and requested the free reverse mortgage packet would also get a free magnifier with an LED light so they could better read the info.

Why was this upsetting? Because I had just bought one a few months ago!!

Yes, I already have a magnifier with an LED light and I actually paid for it.

 

Yes, I was offended that my over 62 friends could get one free when I had to pay for mine but the bigger issue is when and where did I start needing something like that?

The even bigger issue is when did Fonnzie lose his coolness and what does that mean for the rest of us who aren’t cool but need people like him to help us through this uncool world? I worry that when Fonzie is no longer cool the world as we know it has likely come to an end.

One of the many super sucky things multiple sclerosis has done in my life is to make me feel as if I am aging rapidly and in confusing and upsetting ways.

One minute I’m a child and “I need to go potty RIGHT NOW” and in another minute I’m an old lady who “is feeling a little unsteady sonny, can you help me cross the street?”

 

And this concern shouldn’t be a cosmetic one but let’s face it, it is.  Last spring I got carded buying a bottle of wine.  Only six months later I was walking my three year old great nephew down the street when a neighbor asked if he was my grandson.

I’m used to being uncool.  And I know that MS is a very uncool illness.  To help me better cope with it I need the cool reminders of my youth.

I need to know that MS hasn’t robbed me of all of my most important skills.

I need to know that I still know cool when I see it.

MS=Not Cool

Henry Winkler advertising products for the older crowd= Not Cool

Fonzie in his best Fonzie years- Cool

My family, friends and readers= Super Cool!

 

Guess I still have that skill after all….

Making it up as I Go

Multiple Sclerosis attempts to pretty up a bit

I am terrified of my foundation. Ahhh, dear sympathetic readers, I must be psychic as I can hear your concern across the internet.

“Yvonne must have fallen again and she is worried about her safety- that is what she means by foundation. She needs a more stable floor.”

So kind of you all but no, that is not the foundation I mean.

“Hmmm… Yvonne must be facing a moral dilemma, struggling with some principle between right and wrong. It must be serious if she’s actually terrified. I wonder what that foundation is.”

Sorry friends, that is wrong too. My actual fear is far shallower.

The foundation I am talking about is the new makeup I just bought. I have no idea what to do with it and the very tired me is overwhelmed with the thought of trying it out.

 

See, it’s been years since I’ve worn makeup with any regularity. Four to be exact, stopping a few months after MS came into my life. Basically, I was just too fatigued to care.

When your energy level is already at the bottom of the barrel, putting makeup on is just too exhausting. Taking it off again in the evening is near debilitating.

If you think I’m exaggerating then you either a. do not have MS, b. are a non cross dressing male, c. are a compulsive liar or d. are taking some really good meds.

Add to the fatigue my clumsiness and tingling fingers and cosmetics easily became one of the early casualties of my MS life. And folks wonder why I’m single.

Back in the day, I wouldn’t dream of stepping outside my front door without a little makeup on. But back then it also didn’t take much. A little blush, a little mascara and eye liner, maybe some lip gloss and out the door I would go.

 

Since I was young (or at least much, much younger) and a friend had told me I had beautiful skin, I never bothered with foundation. It seemed a waste to me and too often I would see people wearing it with crazy smudges all over their face and clothes and looking like their faces had melted.

No, foundation was not for me.

Part of being a writer is going off to various places to sell your books. It became apparent that maybe I should give makeup a try again. Not for the beauty aspect per se, as my book is about a super tired MSer so why not look like a super tired MSer when I talk about it?

The concern was the pictures that get taken. Those pictures can stick around forever! Bad enough that the camera already adds forty pounds!

And so I decided I should put on makeup the way I used to four years ago. Problem is, I guess I’ve aged a lot in those four years. Even with makeup, I still look like a zombie. And not just any old zombie, but a washed out fatigued zombie at that.

 

This realization combined with my “I can’t sleep because of my bladder so I will watch late night miracle beauty infomercials” status and combined with my “CVS messing up my online $3 rewards and giving me $5 rewards and a 20% off coupon to apologize-I love CVS” status.

So now I had pharmacy money to burn, makeup on my mind and late night commercials telling me how important a base coat was. I went to the store and stood forever in the cosmetics aisle.

So much to choose from just in foundation alone! Powder or cream? What skin tone? My skin tone is MS fatigued winter pale but they didn’t have that one. They had ivory and classic ivory. I like ivory soap but I wasn’t sure if that had anything to do with the choices.

Add coupons, sale prices and other customers trying to get around me to the mix and I panicked. I grabbed something and got out of the store. I’m not even sure if what I got is foundation.

 

It has color and is supposed to go on my face, I think, but it has two names-Age Rewind and The Lifter. What does it lift? Is it meant to lift the floor, as in that type of foundation? But then what was it doing in the makeup aisle?

I brought it home and now I don’t know what to do with it. I know most people would say I should try it out, practice a bit before I actually wear it in public. I tried that. I put some on the back of my hand and suddenly my hand looked perfect-blemish free.

Which was totally depressing as I didn’t realize that my hand had blemishes in the first place…

And now I am stuck. Testing my hand and then washing all that base coat off of the back of my hand has worn me out. I can’t imagine practicing with my whole face.

What about my neck? Do I use the stuff to hide the blemishes on my neck? What about my hands again? Won’t it look weird to have a flawless face and neck and then wrinkly blemish filled hands?

 

Oh how I wish I still had my Barbie head doll. You know the one where there was no body, just a huge Barbie head that you could put make up on and style her hair. I was remembering this toy of my childhood and stressing over my new purchase when somewhere through the MS brain fog came a reminder.

My friend is having a Mary Kay party this weekend! Mary Kay is the makeup company where they tell you all the amazing things you can do with their cosmetics and make you all gorgeous so you’ll spend a ton of money.

I don’t have a ton of money to spend and already have makeup. But if I bring lots and lots of notepaper I can get some good foundation pointers.

And maybe some hand cream….

 

cover-half

Not too late to purchase your copy of MS Madness! A “Giggle More, Cry Less” Story of Multiple Sclerosis and donate to an awesome cause! Purchase through this link below and 50% of the proceeds of the sale go to Race to Erase MS!

Race to Erase MS Online Store